


A Letter of Clarification

by slightlykylie



Category: Notes on a Scandal (2006), Notes on a Scandal - Zoë Heller
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-11-23 15:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/623776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slightlykylie/pseuds/slightlykylie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's perfectly obvious to Barbara that Jennifer's boyfriend has got the wrong end of the stick about Barbara's and Jennifer's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Letter of Clarification

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the femslash08 ficathon for LJ user wisdomeagle.

Mr. Martin Loure  
167 Eliot Street  
London  
EC1Y 8SY  
  
March 17, 1996  
  
Dear Martin:  
  
No doubt you find it strange that I have chosen to write directly to you on the subject of the current alienation between Jennifer and myself. Your desire not to hear from me was of course conveyed quite clearly in our most recent telephone conversation. You certainly have a knack for expressing your feelings plainly. However, though I do not appreciate the profusion of obscenities which accompanied your request that I stop all communication with Jennifer – nor, for that matter, do I enjoy being referred to as a “bloodsucking old hag” – I do feel that some clarification of the issues at hand is necessary at this point, and I am willing to put aside my own feelings in order to present that clarification. I realise that any further communication by phone is likely to turn incendiary, but it is my hope that you will be able to sit down with this letter and read it at your leisure, with suitable pauses to vent any unnecessary agitation that would prevent you from hearing what I have to say. Ultimately, I hope you will come to a clearer understanding of the reality of my relationship with Jennifer.  
  
From what you said to me over the telephone, it is quite clear to me that, having been privy to a few unguarded or, perhaps, heated remarks of Jennifer’s on the subject of our relationship, you have drawn a number of conclusions about me that are entirely baseless in fact. The first of these is that I have been somehow opposed to your relationship with Jennifer, or have tried to come between the two of you. You seem to have extrapolated from this the idea that I wish to keep Jennifer from happiness, with you or with any man. The former idea is a half-truth; the latter is pure fabrication. It is quite true that, some months ago when Jennifer first began to mention you in conversation, I was less than impressed with the stories she told of you. Quite naturally, I expressed my feelings on the subject, as any close female friend would do in such a situation. I would have considered myself remiss as a confidante if I had not told her plainly that your cliched proclamations of eternal devotion rang hollow to me, as an unbiased observer, and that your callow attempts to rush Jennifer into a sexual relationship with you were nothing short of crude. Thus, I am entirely willing to concede that initially, I was “opposed” to Jennifer’s relationship with you, although the sinister overtones of the word are not to the point here, and I made no active attempt to "come between" you. However, regardless of that, I maintain now what I made clear to Jennifer at the time – that my objections were very specifically concerning you as an individual, and not the idea of her engaging in a romantic involvement in general. Indeed, I had told her repeatedly over the preceding months that I felt she was becoming lonely and isolated and that she required closer human companionship – a flatmate, perhaps. I understand you have filled that role. I hope you’ll prove yourself worthy of it.  
  
Second, the irritatingly trivial matter of Portia’s kittens, which you nevertheless ranted on about at great length over the phone. Portia has been the greatest joy of my hearth and home, and I am frankly at a loss to understand why you think it so strange that I would wish to share this joy with a dear friend. Jennifer and I had discussed our mutual love of cats early on – “what a darling,” she had said of Portia at the time – and I am sure Jennifer never felt “leant on” to take in poor Alice and Willa. That you feel “saddled” with the little mites is, I’m afraid, a revelation of your own character, nothing more. As to your allegation that I was aware of your allergies when I gave Jennifer the kittens, it would be laughable if it did not indicate real paranoia on your part. I would suggest that you ask Jennifer herself about her opinion of the kittens – and if the answer comes back that she never wanted them to begin with, you may wish to examine that more closely. Is Jennifer being truthful with you about her feelings on these matters concerning me, or has she been telling you what you’ve been wanting to hear, for fear of causing a ruckus or alienating you? I fear the latter is true, and I hope you care enough for her to consider her true feelings, including those that she has reason to feel she ought to hide from you.  
  
Third is the matter of the housekey. Jennifer seems to have misrepresented that situation to you entirely – again, perhaps for the sake of placating you. The fact is that she and I had discussed exchanging housekeys with one another over six months ago, and I got a copy of mine and gave it to her promptly. Unfortunately, Jennifer, as you must know by now, is notoriously scatty and repeatedly forgot to copy her key and give it to me. Knowing that her disorganization was likely to leave her locked out of her own home one of these days if I didn’t take steps to ensure that a spare key to her flat was kept in a safe place, I took the liberty of having a copy made. It was a simple enough matter of running her keys down to the local locksmith while she was in class, and my action ensured that she’d not be spending any nights sleeping on cobblestones. After she had asked that we “take some distance” from one another, I merely let myself into her flat to return several odd items she’d left in my home. Of course I am sorry that you happened to come home when you did, as you could have let me in yourself had you arrived ten minutes earlier, and had you come five minutes later I’d have been gone. But such were the circumstances.  
  
Lastly, I must address the most infuriating canard of all. Jennifer has referred to our relationship as “too intense.” She’s said so much to me directly, and although I would suggest that her opinions have been coloured by a new element she has fallen in with who have been been poisoning her feelings towards me and painting a perfectly innocent close friendship as suspect, “intense” is an adjective I can deal with in a reasonable manner. What I cannot and will not dignify with a reasonable response is your apparent assumption that that “intensity” is based in some sort of sublimated sapphic inversion. Perhaps I have expressed the depth of my emotions to Jennifer too freely; perhaps I have shown myself to be too much immersed in the mores of an era when vibrant, earnest, and self-revealing friendships between female friends were considered healthy and even enviable. Perhaps I have misunderstood the degree to which physical contact between friends is socially acceptable in the modern day. I’ll even concede that in retrospect, perhaps I should not have copied the key to her flat. But to portray these as signs that I have some sort of romantic designs on Jennifer – well, you’ve missed the point so completely that I doubt that a John Deere backhoe could extricate your head from your arsehole at this stage.  
  
In closing I will simply say this. You implied repeated times in our conversation that I was “ruining” your relationship with Jennifer, that I was somehow the interloper and the culprit in the current situation. You even made the astounding suggestion that if I carried on in contacting her, you would feel yourself to be forced to leave her – and that her ensuing unhappiness would somehow be my fault. What you fail to understand, and what Jennifer seems to have failed to convey to you, is that you are the interloper in this situation, not I. I have always been perfectly happy to continue my friendship with Jennifer whether or not you are in the picture. The fact that this has come down to a situation in which you are essentially forcing her to choose between her new lover and her best friend (whose relationship with her is of much longer duration and, I venture to say, much deeper meaning) is a frightening revelation as to how dangerously possessive of Jennifer you really are. I find it extremely difficult to sit by and watch my friend become entrapped in such a relationship. Of course, if that is her choice, then I may find that there is no reasonable measure I can take to prevent it. If so, I shall have to resign myself to the sad fact that Jennifer may have none of the strength of character I once ascribed to her, and leave the matter be.  
  
I’ve nothing further to say at this juncture. Despite my all-too-evident frustration, I do hope future communications between us can be more civil. My grim ponderings of the last paragraph notwithstanding, I’m quite sure that, given time and space to process recent events, Jennifer will not wish to cut me out of her life completely. Obviously, no matter what you and I feel about each other, we’ll have to learn to get along.  
  
Yours cordially,  
Barbara Covett  
  
* * *  
  
Ms. Jennifer Dodd  
c/o Richards High School  
19 Hillslope Drive  
London  
EC1Y 8SY  
  
Jennifer –  
  
If you don’t set your hulking lothario straight at once as to what of what occurred between us – not this atrociously sanitised version you’ve been giving him, with myself as the deranged villain of the piece and yourself as the doe-eyed, helpless victim, but the _real truth_ – I shall be forced to reveal it all myself. Understand that this is in no way an attempt at coercion or blackmail. You must recognise that my needs are at stake here as well as your own, and if you cannot find it within yourself to show me more consideration than this (consideration I am _owed_ , after all we’ve been through!), the responsibility for what follows will not lie with me.  
  
It doesn’t have to end this way. Choose as you will.  
  
All my love, even yet,  
Barbara


End file.
